Healing an insecure attachment through mindfulness

Early in my career as a therapist I did a lot of work with people involved in the criminal justice system and subsequently saw a lot of casualties of insecure attachment, although at the time I didn’t realize it. I recognized that one of my patients met the criteria for separation anxiety, which my supervisor pointed out was not diagnosable in adults at that time. 

Imagine my surprise when I opened my copy of the latest edition of the DSM to find that Separation Anxiety is now recognized to affect adults. Due to the recentness of the term “Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder”, research has not been completed yet to link ASAD to insecure attachment, specifically anxious attachment style. People with ASAD have been observed to have heightened need for approval and preoccupation with relationship attachment styles.

What is a secure attachment and why is it important?

It is only when I became a parent myself that I began to recognize the significance of the “secure attachment.” Attachment is initially formed between an infant and their primary caregiver. It is the ability of the caregiver to meet the infant’s needs, which the infant cannot verbalize. When a parent is unable to do this on a consistent basis the attachment bond does not form, resulting in the diminished ability of the infant to participate in healthy relationships in their future.

In addition to the disruption of the attachment bond resulting in relationship problems, other issues can manifest in an adult’s life. Some issues that have been associated with insecure attachment bonds in childhood are difficulty regulating one’s emotions, lack of resiliency- unable to easily overcome setbacks or failures, and problems focusing and being mindful of one’s feelings, among others.

Probably the biggest problem for people who were not securely attached to their primary caregiver is that they will experience great difficulty forming healthy relationships, resulting in feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger and fear. Often these individuals experience feelings of frustration as they attempt to connect to others and are unable to do so successfully.

Mindfulness practice can be extremely useful for someone suffering from symptoms resulting from insecure attachments.

Through mindfulness work, the client learns to live in the present moment instead of using various tactics they have developed to escape the uncomfortable emotions that they experience. Mindfulness teaches a way of life that allows the practitioner to observe painful memories or emotions and accept that they are a part of that person’s experiences, however they do not have to define who we are today or will be in the future.